The Seven Stages of Being Left Home Alone

Katie Archibald | Saturday 22nd March, 2014

A simple guide detailing the symptoms of a condition most commonly known as ďHouse mate DeprivationĒ. 

Stage One: Playing Loud Music. 
I usually choose basey music that you can feel vibrate round the whole house. Or cheesy pop since no one can hear you singing along. My current favourites for this are the diplo remix of Drunk In Love and MOís cover of (classic Spice Girls hit) Say You'll Be There. Get them on. 

Stage Two: Not Bothering To Get Dressed Any Further Than A Pair Of Pants. 
Whatís the point? Youíll just have to wash clothes if you put them on. And the washing machine is in the garage. Iím not going out there. 

Stage Three: Getting More Inventive With Your Meals As You Get Further To The Back Of The Cupboard.
Well now that youíre naked all the time, you canít go out to buy food. But itís a happy day when the tinned haggis finally comes in handy, and totally works with pan fried tofu bites.*

Stage Four: Getting Involved With The Lives Of Radio Presenters. 
It quickly becomes apparent that idle chatter was an important buoyance aid for the mood of the house. But all of your life jackets have gone back to their home towns *sad face*. Call in Greg James!

Stage Five: Trying To Stop Yourself Declining Into Self-Pity By Listening To Beyonce. 
I used to always dependent on 'Survivor' (the irony of depending on ĎIndependent Womaní was too much) but yesterday realised my new saviour will be ĎFlawlessí. 

Stage Six: Accepting Defeat And Binging On South Park To Affirm Loneliness And Misery. 
I canít really expand on this. Brain going numb at thought of 2am South Park.
Stage Seven: Click Here
Have you seen The Wolf of Wall Street?

Luckily for me, I packed a suitcase and got to my mumís house after Stage Six. And I listened to Flawless a lot in the car. That helped. 


The above seven stage blip only lasted a few days, training is otherwise A-Okay. Iím racing in Stirling tomorrow in the†Crit on the Campus†since Iím home for the weekend. Come and watch, various sources have confirmed there will be hot foodÖ

Also, if thereís anything youíd actually be interested in reading about that I maybe know about, tweet me about it @babbyarchie. Maybe even stuff I donít know about, I stayed in school until 6th year so got pretty good at Googling. Either way Iíll get it on the Braveheart Blog!

Katie x

*My tofu bites (fried in a seasoned batter) are the bomb. You need to come round and try them some time. Bring pants. 


New Braveheart Jersey


Chris Hoy